Untitled
by HydeLuver
Summary: Five years later, Hyde comes to terms with the worst event of his life.


**Author's Note: New story YAY! I haven't written a one-shot in a while and after a 200-chapter story that took over a year to complete, I felt it was time for a _much _shorter story :) This one is pretty different from anything I've written before, but I think it's alright. Also, a few of us writers here on are members of a 70s discussion board that is really great and you guys should all join it. The link is on my profile under the June 6th update and I'll also post it in the review section of this story so check it out and join in on the fun!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own That 70's Show or any of it's characters (unfortunately) I'm just a fan.**

Point Place-October 1989

Eric Forman slid out of the Vista Cruiser and was immediately welcomed by the bitter cold Wisconsin winter. He pulled up his jacket zipper to the very top and began to walk faster. Eric had always hated winters in Wisconsin, but more so during these last five years. It seemed as though whenever this time of year came around, everyone became sad or moody. It was impossible to talk to his friends who all became distant. It didn't help that they all tried to avoid the basement so as to not think of all the good times they once shared there. October was always a bad month for Eric and his friends.

Eric looked around the cementary and shuttered. He hated coming here. The idea of death had always terrified him and looking at the rows of tombstones, he couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach. All he wanted to do was finish what he was sent there to do and go back home to his wife. He walked a few more feet before spotting his best friend. Sighing, Eric walked over to Hyde unsure of what to say, but knowing he had to say something.

"Hey" he started. _"Simple enough' he thought_

Hyde looked up and nodded.

"Donna said you'd be here" continued Eric

"Where else would I be?" asked Hyde flatly.

Eric just looked at him wondering how he was holding up. Today marked five years since the accident and he could only imagine how hard it was for Hyde and as his best friend, Eric could not let him go through it alone. He then remembered the small bouquet of flowers his wife had bought and he placed them in the vase beside the grave stone. It still seemed surreal to him, even after all this time, that this was their reality, that everyday for the rest of their lives, they would wake up knowing that they would never again hear a shrill voice talking about makeup or disco.

"So..." started Eric once again not able to take the silence any longer, "how are you?"

Hyde just grunted. Every time October came around, his friends began treating him as if he were suicidal or something. They smothered him and bombarded him with more questions than he cared to answer.

"Hyde man, you know it's okay to, you know, talk about it once in a while."

"Look Forman, I don't want to talk about it okay? So just drop it."

"No Hyde listen, it's been five years and every year you get depressed and refuse to talk about it. You need to open up man. Bottling it up isn't going to help."

"Oh and spilling my guts will? My wife is dead Forman and it's my fault" Hyde yelled.

God if he wasn't emotionally drained before, he was beginning to be now.

"Hyde, it was not your fault. You need to stop thinking like that. Jackie would not have wanted you to spend the rest of your life moping over something that was out of your control."

"You don't get it alright? You weren't there" responded Hyde.

"Then tell me what happened."

"Forman, I don't want to talk about it man."

"I'm your best friend man, you can talk to me."

"You really are a girl aren't you?" added Hyde with a sad smile.

"Fine man, don't talk, but just so you know, you're not the only one who misses her" Eric said before starting to walk away.

Hyde sighed as his best friend started to walk back over to the old station wagon. Maybe telling someone would help him heal.

"Alright Forman" he called out and as he'd hoped, Eric was by his side once again within seconds.

"Look, uh...this is kind of hard so-"

"Just talk Hyde. You've known he long enough to know I'm not judging you."

Hyde nodded and decided to just let it all out. "It was pretty late at night when I got home..."

_**Flashback- October 1984**___

It was a little past midnight. After closing _Grooves _Hyde had decided to grab a drink at the bar. He needed a way to delay his getting home. After the argument he had gotten into with Jackie earlier, he was in no rush to start round two and he knew a couple of drinks would make him feel a lot better. After a few drinks he began thinking about his life and how it was beginning to spiral out of control again.

He and Jackie had only been married for three years but due to everything they had already gone through, it felt like much longer. He couldn't lie, married life had been good, much better than he could have ever expected it to be. Waking up to the person he cared most for and who understood him was great, and unlike their previous years together, they had finally learned to communicate and work out their problems without chewing each other's heads off. But after a recent miscarriage, they had grown cold and distant towards each other. Jackie spent most of her days sulking in front of the television and Hyde, well, when he wasn't working he was at some bar, drinking his feelings away.

It was so hard for them to be around each other, let alone talk about what happened. They had been so excited about having a baby and were talking about finiding an apartment with an extra room they would use for the nursery. Their lives seemed to be getting more perfect with each passing day when one night Hyde awoke to a screaming Jackie and blood on the bed. They had rushed to the hospital but a few hours later the doctors had confirmed that they had indeed lost the baby. What followed were long, miserable days. They hardly spoke and when they did, they just argued about everything and nothing at all, but never actually talked. It was becoming unbearable, so Hyde went back to doing what he did when he wanted to forget-drink. He always told himself he would only have one beer, but the pain was so much that one became two or three and eventually he lost count.

This particular night was no different. Hyde was finishing up his fifth beer when he decided it was time to get home. Jackie would probably already be asleep and he would have dodged another pointless argument. Slapping a couple of bills on the counter, Hyde got up and headed towards his beloved El Camino.

It took less than twenty minutes for him to reach the door of the apartment he shared with Jackie. Taking a deep breath, he turned the key, unlocked the door and stepped in but instead of the darkness he was expecting, he walked into a brightly lit room and a visibly pissed off Jackie. '_It's going to be a long night' _Hyde thought as he closed the door behind him and took off his jacket.

"Where have you been Steven?" asked Jackie.

He looked at his wife on the other side of the room and said "I was at the store-"

"No you weren't. I called the store and no one picked up" she interrupted.

"Will you let me finish? I was at the store and then went to the bar for a few drinks."

"By yourself?" she asked, her arms now folded across her chest.

"Yes by myself. I just...needed to think, that's all."

"Oh, you needed to think? Well while you've been out gettuing drunk and _thinking _I've been worried sick not knowing where my husband was."

"I'm sorry I uh..should have called." He didn't want to do this, didn't want to get into another argument with Jackie.

"That's the least you could have done."

"Jackie, can we not do this now? I've had a long day and just want to go to bed."

"Fine, hopefully you can find some time to talk to you _wife _after you get drunk tomorrow or should I wait until next week? Which is more convenient for you Hyde?" she asked raising her voice.

"Jackie, what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem, Steven, is that lately, this is what we've become. You work all day, drink all night and i'm home worrying about you because you don't even have the decency to pick up a phone and call me."

"Look, I've just been having a rough time lately ok? Give me a break."

"Well I've been having a really rought time too Steven and it would really help if I had you around to talk to." She was now beginning to cry and Hyde just couldn't take it anymore. The room was spinning and he couldn't figure out if it was from the alcohol or the sudden guilt.

"Jackie, everytime we try to talk we end up arguing about something. It's just...exhausting."

"So-so what? You're giving up on us now?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well that's how you've been acting lately. I know it's been hard on you, it's been hard on me too but I can't do this without you." She was now crying even harder.

Hyde ran his hands through his hair and removed his sunglasses. He walked across the room to where Jackie was standing and wiped the tears off her face. He hated seeing her like this and hated it even more that he didn't know how to comfort her. They stayed silent for a few minutes before she started speaking again.

"This isn't how I pictured things" she whispered.

"I know, but we'll get through this. I promise."

"How?"

"I-I don't know"

She tensed up and a stoic expression clouded her face. "That's what you say. That's what you _always _say." She was yelling again and this time, it was his turn to get mad.

"What do you want me to say? I don't have an answer for that because I don't know. If I did I would try to fix this instead of living this unhappy fucking like we've been living."

"If you're so goddamned unhappy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because you're my wife and I made a vow to stand by you, even through the worst and this is it. I'm here because you need me...and I need you."

"I-I just can't do this anymore. Everything hurts, talking about it hurts, I just...don't know how to keep going."

"We lost a baby Jackie, it's normal to be upset, but I need you to talk to me. I know it hurts, trust me I do, but you can't give up on me now."

"Steven, I just feel so empty all the time and I'm unhappy too."

He nodded in understanding. All the horrible feelings he'd experienced since the miscarriage were coming back and he wondered if she had felt them too, though he was positive she had.

"I'm going for a drive okay? Don't wait up" she said.

"Jackie, don't."

"Steven, I just need some air right now."

"Don't push me away now. Babe, please just talk to me."

"I don't want to talk right now Steven, I just want to go."

"Damn it Jackie you can't keep doing this, it's not okay."

Before he could stop her, she was gone and all he could do was collapse on the couch and wait for her to come back home. He knew she would come back crying and he would be there for her. Unfortunately, a few hours later, he would receive the most devastating phone call of his life.

_**End of Flashback-**_

"The other driver ran a red light and crashed into the car" Hyde finished. He hadn't told anyone what happened the night of Jackie's death. For five years, the guilt ate away at him.

"I know it's tought, but it wasn't you're fault Hyde" Eric said trying to make his best friend feel better because if he had learned anything about Hyde in all the years he's known him, it was that his friend suppressed his emotions until he could no longer take it.

"No Eric, it is. I should have gotten home early, I should have stopped her from going out. I-I should have been there."

Eric noticed Hyde's voice cracked as he finished his sentence, and had he just called him Eric? The last time Hyde called him anything besides Forman, they were kids. Eric knew his friend was hurting and having to recall all those memories must have made things worst.

"Listen, Hyde man, you had no way of knowing that things were going to turn out the way they did that night. You would have done something about it had you known. You would have stopped her."

"Look Forman, if that's supposed to cheer me up, it isn't alright? My wife is dead man. I know you probably don't believe me but...Jackie was my world. She believed in me and after we lost that baby, we weren't the same. But that night, after she left, I promised myself that I was going to make things better-mke us better. I never got the chance to."

"Hyde, I do believe you. We know how much you loved Jackie, we've always known but you know this is not what Jackie would have wanted for you. She loved you and she would not have wanted you to blame yourself for something you had nothing to do with. That accident was not your fault alright? It wasn't."

"I know that, but it hurts. First a baby, and then my wife. It's been five years but it still hurts, more than anything."

"I know it hurts, and it's alright to grief, but you don't have to do it alone. I'm here for you, we're all here for you. Just let us help you out."

Hyde nodded, "thanks Forman."

"Anytime."

"Forman can you uh, give me a minute to..you know."

"Yeah man of course" said Eric. He gave his best friend a pat on the back for reassurance and walked towards the Vista Cruiser.

Hyde now stood alone looking down at the grave he had visited countless times throughout the last five years and for the first time, felt some relief.

"Hey Jacks," he began, "Forman brought you some flowers. I did too, roses. I thought you might like that since you always asked me to buy you some, and I never did. I um...I'm still at the store. It's been doing alright. I've been working a lotand WB is thinking of opening up a new one in Chicago. You would have probably been proud. I...Miss you. God I miss you so much. I wake up everyday hoping that you'll walk in and yell BURN or something, but it's been five years now, so I..uh...know that you're probably not trying to burn me. A few weeks ago was our eigth year anniversary. I played our song like we did every year, except I had no one to dance to it with, so I just listened to it. A lot. Jackie I just want to say that I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything I put you through after the baby. I'm sorry for working so much, for going to the bar, for not talking to you. I just...I'm sorry for not being there and I'm mostly sorry for not stopping you that night. I want you to know that I love you and that I'll never stop. I hope you really are looking over me like everyone's said you are because I'm going to need you so much right now if I'm going to get my life back on track. I know that's what you would have liked. I, uh...guess I just want to say that I appreciate everything you did for me and for making me the happiest man in the world. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that as much as you deserved to hear it, but I do and I really do love you babe. Always."

Hyde looked at the small stone on Jackie's grave. '_Jackie Hyde: 1961-1984. Angel on Earth, Angel in __Heaven.'_

Taking a deep breath, Hyde decided that he would make her proud, he would live his life the way she would have wanted him to; he just had to take it one day at a the wind picked up, Hyde turned away from the grave and walked towards his car with just that one thought in mind. _One day at a time._

_**The End**_


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